A 7 Point Guide to Proper Self-Care

"Self care" is a pretty trendy term these days. People use the term to refer to anything from a vacation, a night of drinking, or a great cup of coffee. I'm going to show you how self care can be an amazing benefit in your life AND the lives of the people you love.

1. Do self care before you need it.

I'd like to propose that self care is far more beneficial when done BEFORE we hit our breaking point. I believe that we can avoid many 'break points' by exercising proper self care while we're still going strong. It's kind of like the parenting philosophy about filling their love buckets. You're much better off to fill their love buckets before they are sad and angry than trying to fill the bucket of a hysterical or emotionally empty child. Deal with rough emotions all evening or spend 15 pleasant minutes of quality time early in the afternoon. It's kind of the same with us. Taking care of yourself so you can handle the setbacks is much more successful than trying to get it together after you’re already a mess.

2. Know why self care is important.

Self care isn't the same as "me time." Although it is often time spent alone, this is NOT "Treat yo self!" time. This is time to care for yourself for the purpose of enjoying and succeeding in the rest of your life. If my self care tonight is so I can be a better mom and wife and friend, drinking too much tonight isn't going to help and neither is spending too much money, having a gossip sesh on the phone, or zoning out on Netflix. If you're running on fumes, you need quality gas in your tank, not sugar water.

3. Plan ahead for self care.

It's hard to make wise choices when you're fried. Plan for times of self care throughout your week. It might be a five minute devotion podcast while you shower in the morning or a weekly date night or workout with friends but if you don't plan ahead it's unlikely to happen. So get your planner out, text your husband or friend for accountability, or set a phone alarm. And then follow through!

4. Remove the ideas in your mind about what self care is.

It doesn't have to be expensive or time consuming or indulgent. In fact, the most beneficial things rarely are. You don’t need a babysitter or a lot of money. You don’t even need to leave your house! If you CAN do those things, more power to you, but that’s not what self care is about or how it works. It can be small moments of time found in the cracks of your day or daily disciplines that center you.

5. Start with gratitude.

Always start by being grateful. I like to pray and just start by audibly thanking God for all the amazing blessings I have in my life. If you're going through a lot, it might feel hard but once you get used to it, it's amazing how much it can change your perspective and make that time more powerful for you.

6. Know your needs and get creative.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Exercise

  • Uplifting podcast or sermon

  • A warm, comforting beverage

  • A cold, crisp beverage

  • A walk outside

  • 10 minutes to sit with your eyes closed and breathe deeply

  • A phone call with an encouraging person in your life

  • A bonfire

  • Laying in the sun

  • Comfortable clothes

  • A cozy chair and blanket

  • Quiet music while rocking a baby to sleep (and staying rocking after they are in dreamland)

  • An early bedtime with clean sheets and a clean room

  • Candles and an epsom salt bath with lavender and cedarwood

  • PRAYER TIME

  • A gratitude journal

  • Time reading the Bible

  • A Bible study

  • A great morning routine

I used to put on my favorite relaxing station on Spotify on my phone, put oils in the diffuser, and grab a fresh cup of coffee for my shower. It was such a relaxing time for me and it felt great to let my thoughts untangle. I didn't have a lot of extra time so I would just take something I had to do anyway and make it work for me.

7. Be in the moment.

Turn away the stressful thoughts, silence your phone or put it in another room, smile at your loved one that interrupts you instead of snapping at them, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Allow yourself to focus on the good and beautiful things in life and change your focus. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8