A story of gratitude

Okay guys I have a little story for you. It's a story about a woman for whom ungratefulness was no longer an option. It goes like this...

This woman and her husband and four darling children bought a new house. It was big and beautiful and they couldn't wait to start painting and make it their own.

They moved in and noticed a little mold. After a week of living there they had to leave so it could be remediated. Turns out, the entire house was covered with mold.

After bouncing around from friends to family for 3 months and this woman and her kids being apart from her loving husband and their sweet father, their friends gave them a camper to use.

This little family moved into a small camper in their yard. More mold and more problems kept popping up and they slowly went from being committed to doing the work in the house to realizing it was probably not realistic.

The little family of 6 now lives in the camper in their yard full time as they try to exhaust every last option.

Today that mom had a bit of a surreal moment. The breaker popped in the camper, yet again. She had just gotten home from a huge grocery trip with her kids and after lugging all the groceries into the camper and trying to look around to find where she would put all of them, she turned on the air conditioner. Pop. She flipped the breaker and it popped yet again when she turned on the air. As she walked through the house to flip the circuit breaker, she looked around. She remembered how happy she was about the attached garage so that she could park in it and bring her groceries right through the hallway into the house. As she walked to the basement, she was struck by how good the cool basement air felt on a hot day like today. She imagined that if she was living in the house, she would have parked and brought all of those groceries in while her kids escaped to the basement to cool off and relax for a while while she put the groceries away.

And she got a little angry inside. She got angry that they gave so much money to this house. She got angry that she had to walk through her big dream house to pop the breaker for her little camper where the thermostat said 91°.

And then she remembered. She remembered that she couldn't afford to think about the what-ifs. She couldn't afford to think about anger. She couldn't afford to go there. Too much was on the line. You see, the enemy had been after her heart all along. He wanted to see her dissatisfied and jealous. He wanted to see her angry and discontent. He wanted to see her question her God. And, you see, she knew this. She knew what he was after. So she picked up her head and walked out to that little camper and thanked God for those sweet little children that used a wheelbarrow to bring in her groceries. And she smiled with joy because her husband was coming home from work soon and she gratefully put away each of those things she had purchased because she was able to buy her children food and clothing. And she stood on the truth she knew. And she remembered the promises God has made.

That woman had too much on the line. She had too much to lose if she gave in. So she let the truth wash over her and submitted to Jesus and let him purify her mind. And suddenly, 91° never felt so good.

Free your mind

Recently my family started going down a fairly intense journey with our house. We also happen to have a family member that went through a similar thing a few years ago. We talked many times as they were walking that journey out. When we realized what we were dealing with, I was on the phone with her and talked about how we were staying positive etc. A little bit into the conversation she said, "Nicole, do you remember what you told me when I started going through the same thing?" I didn't and she said, "I was having such a horrible time and I just found out what we were dealing with. I remember calling you upset and not knowing how I was going to do it. You told me, 'Well, you're just going to do it. And you're going to figure out what you're dealing with and then you're going to fix it and do what you have to do. And it's just a house and it's just money. You have your family and God and this won't destroy you. You'll take it one step of the time.' Nicole, what you told me then about my situation is exactly what you just said now about yours."

I was shocked.

I've given a lot of advice and wisdom over the years. And sometimes, even as I'm saying it, I know that although it's wise and good, I'm not sure how I'D actually be able to do it. I KNOW that it's easier said than done. A few years ago, when I gave that advice, I don't think I would have walked it out the same way in my own life. I cannot begin to tell you how exciting it is to SEE that you've actually grown in your faith. It's so humbling to realize that God actually DID something in you. Because don't you feel like sometimes you're just never going to learn? I know I do. Sometimes I just feel like I keep getting sucked back into the same thought patterns time and time again and I'll never get free. But isn't that the worst lie? That because you've always done it, that you always have to do it? I say no. I experienced what it was like to think better and I'm ready for all the changes God wants to do in me.

Because it's freedom, my friend. Freedom. No longer bound by the same anxious thought patterns. No longer a slave to fear. What is it for you? No longer punishing yourself for mistakes you've made? No longer buried in shame? No longer battling the same insecurities you've dealt with for decades? What are those lies you listen to? The areas you feel you'll never get free from? You have to know that YOU. CAN. BE. FREE. God can and WILL free you from the toxic ways of thinking you've always dealt with.

And one day, you will think differently. And on that day, you will realized that you've changed. You will realized that you aren't who you once were; that God has dramatically changed you in marvelous ways. His way is freedom. So it's time to get free.

How to get bad news...

I wrote this one a month ago but I'm FINALLY getting to posting it. Here's a little update...

Okay friends, I gotta get real with you today. 2018 is NOT going how we planned. Alert. 2018 is NOT going according to plan.

Some of you know that we recently sold our first home. Our 1100 square foot first home. We loved it. It was adorable. It was tiny. And we bought a rather large, BEAUTIFUL home on 11 acres of beautiful land. The home is amazing with incredible views and an (awesomely) unique layout that feels like you're in a vacation home. We've waited years for a move like this, always saying we didn't want an "in-between" home for 5-10 years. We just wanted to wait and so we did.

The house was a little outdated in paint, etc and had a few repairs we were prepared to do but we could absolutely see what it would look like with our own touches on it. We daydreamed and planned until it was time to move in.

A couple days after we moved, I noticed mold in the basement. I looked around and found some more. A month later [2 months later now] and here I sit. In Pittsburgh. At my parent's house. Because my house has been mostly gutted. I'll be perfectly honest and say we have no idea what we're going to do. I started to list everything that needs to be done but had to stop myself because it was too intense. No. Idea. What. We. Will. Do.

And today we got more bad news.

I feel like we've been pretty even keel. Doing what we need to do to be responsible and trying to stay focused on our job/college/homeschooling and marriage and being parents (albeit long distance for the last ones.) We've been encouraging each other and staying the course. But today was different. Today was much more intense and although we stayed positive on the phone with each other, we both fell apart a bit after. I stayed in shock for about an hour and thankfully my mom took over when I had to leave the room before I yelled at a kid. I walked downstairs and through my tears muttered, "I can't do this." I can't parent and be kind and patient and care about them wanting an apple when I said no or wanting to play instead of going to bed. I can't do that while I'm falling apart. I'm not capable. And the moment I said, "I can't do this.", my next thought was, "But HE can. Jesus, I need you. Holy Spirit, fill me. I can't do this but you can." Filled with determination, I walked to my dad's study to be alone and as I sat down in his chair, I started singing a song many of you might remember from childhood, "The wise man built his house upon the rock, the wise man built his house upon the rock, the wise man built his house upon the rock, and the rains came tumbling down. The rains came down and the prayers went up... And the house on the rock stood firm." The song is talking about building our house (life) on Jesus, our rock. Because he is always faithful and never changing, our house will stay firm if built on Him. But when our life is built on the changing sands of this world (friendships, money, power, jobs, kids, houses, status, etc), it's sure to "go splat" like I believe the song says. Those things are ever shifting and changing. They'll never bring the security we desire.

As I thought more, I realized that my intense emotions were because I wasn't firmly planted in my faith. After talking to Eric and my mom, fully encouraged in my faith, my mom started talking about joy and I remembered that in the Bible, Nehemiah says, "Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." I don't know that I've experienced it in such a strong way before. As soon as I turned my eyes to the Lord, I felt SO strong and full of joy. When I placed my joy in HIM, I was strong, but when I was placing my joy in financial security and a house, I was weak and easily attacked. And I don't like feeling weak. So I will anchor myself in the Lord and if we lose all financial security and everything goes wrong, I will not have lost out. 

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?" Luke 9:25

I won't be lost or destroyed. In fact, it's been a while since I was this focused and secure. I was so looking forward to living in the beautiful home we've dreamed of for so long. I was excited for the earthly feeling of success (even though I hated thinking that way.) But I'm clear again. And I'm strong. And while I hope so much that everything works out wonderfully and that God tangibly blesses us in amazing ways and that this miraculously isn't an epic financial setback, the spiritual implications here are huge. And you can't put a price tag on that.

Here's to the Broken One...

I see you.

I see you in churches, on facebook, in Bible studies.

I see you.

You're the "broken one." The one with the story. The one with the past. The one who feels cast aside, unwanted. The one who is to be helped, not to help. The one who can't hold a job. The one who can't have a baby. The one who has failed. The one who has been abused. The one who has been abandoned. The one who has lost so much. The one who is barely making it. I see you.

I see you and I've been you. Sometimes I still am you. The voices talk to me too. The voices that say your story is too messy. The ones that say you can't have anything to offer. The ones that tell you that God doesn't use people like you. People like you who took a path He told you not to. People like you who've walked through the valley of the shadow a bit too much. People like you whose stories aren't all tied up neatly with a bow just yet.

I know what it is when the pain and heartbreak and loss and frustration and failure changes  into something worse. I know what it feels like when it becomes worthlessness and purposelessness. I know what it is to feel like a constant burden. When you feel that you are more a problem than a blessing. I see you. I know you.

My dear friend, God says differently.

God says he loves you. He says you are beautiful. He says he knit you together in your mother's womb. He says he has already laid out good works for you to do. He says you aren't worthless.

And he's always right.

And He knew you'd be here and He knew you'd feel this way and He laid out a ton of stories in the Bible to show you just how NOT worthless you are. He gave you example after example of how he used broken and hurting and sinful people to complete His work. He chose people that were poor, prostitutes, adulterers, weak, doubters, selfish, and imprisoned. And he used them. He didn't pick the people that could take the best picture of their Bible or who had the nicest houses or the people who were the best at public speaking. HIS POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN OUR WEAKNESS.

Friend, don't ignore what God will do through your brokenness if you let Him. Because it's gonna be amazing. HE has not forgotten you. He has not forgotten the plans for you. He won't quit on you because you got divorced or because you're in a miserable marriage or because you can't have kids or because you have too many or because you can't hold a job or because you've been abused or because you don't fit in at church or because the money is all gone. His mighty plans for you can't be stopped so easily. I promise... you aren't too messy for Him.

Change your overwhelmedness

It has been quite a season here in the Thayer home. It's been a good season but a trying one nonetheless. Through the fall and winter, we've gone through the process of listing our house, selling it, and buying another house. It's a tall order while parenting four young kids! And we're finally here. In the homestretch. It's moving week. The box truck comes home tonight and we spend the next two evenings finishing up our packing and loading the truck and we move on Thursday. It's the week we've been waiting for and we're so excited and thankful. But friends, I'm overwhelmed. The list in my head is going something like this... you have to make lunch but wait first you need to do dishes gosh why didn't i pack the cups yet i need to pack the cups and silverware still i need to assemble another box okay now i really need to start laundry and start packing a suitcase for the kids to go to grandmas oh crud lucy drew on the wall again wheres that magic eraser oh no i totally forgot about that closet should i really throw this away what time is the cable company coming where are we going to put all the food from the fridge for 36 hours when should i go drop off that trunkload of donation items what are we going to have for dinner?

It's not my favorite mode to live in.

I texted Eric today as asked him to bring home Taco Bell for dinner. Again. (We'll stop grabbing fast food AFTER we move. For real. We really will.) And I told him I was overwhelmed and there is so much left to do and pack. He sent me this link and said, "Watch this. Change your overwhelmedness." Change your overwhelmedness. Overwhelmed is a pretty big word. It means to bury or drown beneath a huge mass. It's pretty much how I've been feeling yesterday and today but I listened to that song. And I was overwhelmed. I actually took my moment to be buried in God's great love. I let myself drown in his grace. For a moment I just sat and allowed myself to be quiet with him and reflect on his love and grace for me. And I was overwhelmed. It's hard to be drowning in these short lived fears and anxieties when you are drowning in His eternal love.

God talks a lot about what we look at. He tells us to "behold" him and what he has done. He tells us to turn our eyes on him and when we do something happens. We're overwhelmed in a different sea and it's a sea that gives us life, not destruction. God tells us to cast our anxieties on him because he cares for us and as I spent those moments with him, it was so easy to hurl those cares on him. It was easier to toss them when I was focused on HIM. In Philippians we read, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Now, I'm not about to think that my stress about moving compares to what you're going through. Maybe you're in the midst of losing a home or important relationship. Maybe your marriage is falling apart. Or your career. Maybe your health is deteriorating or the car repairs are more than you will earn in the next two weeks. Maybe right now motherhood feels like running a marathon with bricks tied around your ankles. But, dear friend, I promise that the greatness of God's love and grace is bigger. I PROMISE. I promise that his perfect peace is available to you and it will BLOW YOUR MIND. I mean, after all, it transcends all understanding. Just look at him. Look at him and who he is. He is not disappointing. Lift up your eyes, friend.

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Guest Post and a Giveaway

So. I homeschool. I homeschool four very young children. In an 1100 square foot house. Just take a minute to picture that, okay? I’m gonna tell you something. There isn’t much that humbles you quite like homeschooling does. I love what I do. I love it with all my heart. I’ve grown more by homeschooling than I could have ever grown any other way I think. It’s pretty rad. But. I homeschool four very young children in an 1100 square foot house...

I'm guest blogging over at Let Love Invade and I've teamed up with Amber for a really fun giveaway for you! Head over to her blog to read the rest of this post and learn how you can win!!

http://letloveinvade.com/meet-him-in-your-mess-guest-post/

Love ya, friends!

The Invisible Time: Finding time for God in a busy world

I love the Lord. I love him with all my heart. There's no one I want to please as much as him and certainly no one else I trust as much as him. I love to worship him, talk to him, be with him, and serve him. But sometimes, it is so hard to slow down and be still with him. I can't be the only one, right? Life is so busy and so nonstop and sometimes I get in this rut where I start thinking about my time with God as another chore; another commitment on my calendar. I'll still fill my calendar with things I'm doing to serve him but end up skipping out on my alone time with him so I can plan another event, organize another meeting, or dream of another ministry. I'll make time to talk to the brokenhearted, encourage the hopeless, and lead the lost but I find myself too busy and frazzled to sit and be quiet with the One whom I love. And it doesn't work.

When I get in those cycles, I find myself burning out really quickly. I start getting snippy with my husband and angry with my kids. I begin to look at my ministry opportunities as drudge work and not the privilege I had been asking God to give me and I find myself looking at people as chores, not gifts from God. It's really awful, actually.

This weekend my area was hit really hard with a windstorm and we found ourself without power. It was very unpleasant. As a kid I thought a power outage was the best! We would light candles and cuddle around the wood burning stove while we pretended we lived in the 'olden days' and wished our whole town would turn off the power and water for an 'olden days weekend.' We failed to understand why all the grownups didn't agree. Well, this time, I was the adult. And it was NOT the same. We woke up to the clocks out. Bummer. Oh rats, we can't charge the phones. Bummer. Wait. NO COFFEE????? Serious bummer. And the list went on. The house started getting colder, I couldn't take a shower, I couldn't wash the laundry or run the dishwasher, I couldn't pop on a TV show to entertain the kids while we packed to get out of town. Wait, I can't even put a youtube video on the laptop? No WiFi?? What about the quarter cow in the freezer? How can I even make breakfast? I'm telling you. It was seriously not fun. And all I could think of was how good I have it on a regular basis. I take it for granted.

I find myself the same way with God. I LOVE my quiet time with my heavenly Father. I am encouraged, refined, uplifted, and coached by my perfect and holy God and it is incredible. He speaks to me and gives me clarity, he blesses me with peace and rids me of my fears. When I'm with God on a regular basis, the ministry set before me flows out of me with love and grace. It's such a wonderful way to be and to live. But at some point, I find myself starting to take it for granted. I forget or end up too busy for a couple days and then start only finding brief moments for my precious time with Him. If I let that pattern continue, I start to see the effects of being disconnected to my power source. When I'm plugged in to him, it's easy to forget what I am without that connection.

The hard part is that these days, we often mark our success by how packed our calendars are. We've started to think that our value is based on how much we can possibly do and not so much on whose we are. I've found myself caught in that trap more than I'd like to admit but God's been teaching me a lot about that. I think what really shines through a Christian is that time with God; the invisible time. No one sees you doing it, it doesn't take up calendar space, and you aren't 'accomplishing' anything. It's invisible but the power that comes from it is remarkable. It's the power to walk in grace when in our flesh we'd lash out. It's the power to look at another person beyond their circumstance, appearance, or social standing. It's the power to do more, love more, and be more than we ever could have on our own. It might be the invisible time but the effects are seen in incredible ways. Like my electricity, no one can see my relationship with God but like my living room lamp, I am illuminated by it.

War and Marriage: A series for wives Part 2

I think one of the biggest lies our enemy tells us is that we’re helpless; that our marriages, our husbands, and even ourselves, cannot change. It’s not true. It just isn’t. God talks all OVER the Bible about people changing. Our God is the God of hope and if you’ve been believing there is no hope for your marriage, I want you to ditch that idea RIGHT NOW. Right now. Stop thinking that. Our hope is in God and he does not fail. If the enemy can get us to believe that victory is impossible, he will render us completely ineffective. It’s not that we won’t be filled with power from the Holy Spirit, but instead that we won’t use that power. We won’t wield the sword if we believe it isn’t strong enough to kill the serpent.

Another problem is that sometimes we don’t know what sword to use to fight the battle with. We don’t know how to overcome the attacks of the enemy on our marriage. I’ve been there more than I’d like to admit. I’ve tried to fix my husband more than a handful of times and it doesn’t usually go over so well. The truth is, marriage is spiritual and we can’t fix something spiritual if we’re operating in the flesh. THANKFULLY, God, in his perfect, most wonderful goodness, has given us a slew of powerful, effective, beautiful, spiritual tools that can overcome the attacks of the enemy. And thankfully, they don’t depend on our own strength, intelligence, or ability.

When I think about the tools we have in this war called marriage, I can come up with a HUGE list of things God has told us in the Bible. Like, SO MANY TOOLS. It’s pretty sweet. But for the most concise, easy-to-remember list, I’ve gotta go back to Ephesians 6. In Ephesians, Paul tells us to put on the full armor of God and it’s intense. The armor consists of the following: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes that are the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. He then reminds us to pray on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. Each week we are going to be talking about a different part of the armor of God and how it directly applies to our marriage. We are going to see what the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace means for you when it comes to your marriage. We aren’t going to stand idly by and watch marriages fail and crumble before our eyes. Not if we have anything to do with it. We aren’t going to let sin rip our hearts to shreds or let the enemy’s lies destroy us and the men we love. We aren’t going to see another generation of children scarred by the pain of divorce.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

We will stand tall and FIGHT for our marriages. We will fight for our unsaved husbands. We will fight for the men so bogged down by burden that they barely crack a smile anymore. We will fight for our husbands trapped in addictive cycles with pornography, alcohol, or gambling. We will fight for the men who are so hurt they can’t pray for themselves. We will fight because we are the daughters of the most high God and he has showered us with favor and love. We will lift up our swords and sound our battle cry and say NO MORE. The enemy won’t have my marriage and he won’t have yours. My marriage is for God and my purpose is to bring glory to the God who has saved me. And nothing will get in my way. Let’s fight.

In Love

Have you ever read the verse Ephesians 4:15? It’s a beautiful verse. It’s a beautiful verse that’s surrounded by a beautiful chapter. Have you read the whole chapter? It’s good. Like, you should probably grab your Bible (or Bible app) and read it right now before you finish reading this blog.

Okay so did you read it?

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” Ephesians 4:15

I’ve heard that phrase, “speak the truth in love”, SO many times and usually by well intentioned Christians who are sweetly calling someone out for screwing up. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve done it too. The interesting thing, though, is that there doesn’t seem to be any mention of someone sinning in that entire passage (Ephesians 4:1-16.) Wait. What? No, seriously. The whole section is about unity in the church. The whole thing is talking about building each other up, maturing together, and growing as one in God’s love. In fact, the next verse says, “He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special wok, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”

I can’t help but wonder… What if we looked at that as a command to speak the GREATEST truth in love? What if we spoke the ultimate truth of Christ crucified for the salvation of our sins with so much love that people couldn’t help but notice that something big was happening. What if we spoke the ultimate truth, about the ultimate love, while reflecting that love? Can you imagine how we’d see our world change? What if we stopped using that verse as license to kindly condemn and used it as a reason to lovingly proclaim the perfect love of Christ? What if…

What if the body of Christ rose up and actively SPOKE the TRUTH in LOVE. I just can’t help but think that we’d be completely shocked at what would happen. What if we stopped speaking the facts of what someone has done wrong and instead declared boldly that Christ died, was buried, and rose again to free them from every sin they’ve ever committed and that he loves them right where they are. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8.

I’m not suggesting that there isn’t a time and place where we need to speak wisdom or correction to someone. Not at all. I’ve had to do so myself sometimes. But you know what? I don’t think that’s what we should be known for as the church of Christ. I think our reputation as the church needs to be that we passionately announce the freely available grace and mercy of Jesus with all the love we can contain. Could that possibly be what this broken, hurting, aching world needs?